Broken Arm Birthday, May 7-8, 2011

This year for something special for my birthday I got... a broken arm.

Sadly, I have to report The Dog was involved.  And before you ask, the dog is FINE!  I'm the one with the fractured radial joint.

I blame Aaron Ralston.  Yes, the guy of '127 Hours' fame who got stuck under a rock in the Grand Canyon in 2003 and gnawed his own arm off (well, you know what I mean).  On April 25th I watched the movie.  On April 26th I bought the book and started reading.  What date did Aaron Ralston get stuck under that rock?  April 26th, 2003.  What date did I trip over The Dog?  April 26th, 2011.

So at 10am I'm sitting in the Qantas Lounge reading the book thinking - cut my own arm off, how hard could that be? At 10pm I'm lying in bed holding the book in one hand because the other one is lying uselessly and in incredible pain by my side and I'm thinking - cut my own arm off???  I can't even lift it.

So maybe not blame Aaron Ralston.  Maybe blame hubris.  And poor timing.  And The Dog!

At the time I didn't think it was broken.  I thought broken meant snapped in two.  I could feel the length of my bones and there weren't any major bits where there was no bone, so I thought, maybe it's just twisted.  Or sprained.

It was Miss L - a qualified nurse - on the phone the following afternoon who pointed out that since I derived my income from typing, and since my left arm was kind of important for all the QWERTY letters, an X-ray might be in order to make sure my future income could be maintained.

And it did strike me, as I drove to the Mudgee hospital one-handed (yeah, yeah, you're not going to tell me anything the doctor didn't tell me...), that if this wasn't broken, how much more painful could broken be?

So a couple of x-rays and one hemi-sling later I was driving myself one-handed back home (haven't we had this conversation...) with an officially broken arm.

Very exciting until the novelty wore off, then just boring.  And it was about to be my birthday.  And Miss L was due for a visit.  (Plus I think she wanted to make sure I wasn't making the whole thing up to get out of weeding the geraniums).

Now Miss L, you may remember, won Best Guest 2010 - Singles Section.  And, you also may remember, sets a very high standard for weekend visits in terms of Expectation of Work To Be Done.  Which would be all very well if it was just done by the guest - not by the host.

But having a broken arm proved a huge bonus.  Not only because Miss L was able to help me do all the things it's very difficult to do one-handed - like bottling olives and tagging calves.  But also because she was able to do all the things I could pretend I could no longer do with one hand - like gardening!

So over the course of 48 hours Miss L managed to mow the entire lawn, bottle the olives and weed the front garden.  This was accompanied by the usual disappointed head-shaking at the piteous state I'd allowed lawn, weeds and garden to degenerate to in her absence.  Whereupon I could point to my sling and bravely pretend I would have done all these things except for the tragic and untimely incident with The Dog.

Unfortunately, this has just increased the stakes.  By her next visit I'll need a broken leg to assuage her disapproval.

Step 1:  Sorting.

Step 2.  Bottling.

Step 3.  Finished product!

Mower Girl!


Finally Miss L gave up lecturing me on mulch and weeding, took pity on me and drove me off to Mudgee for a birthday dinner.  We dined in a beautiful rustic old coach-house converted into a restaurant (The Wineglass Bar and Grill in case Melba Toast is interested) and celebrated yet another excellent farm weekend.

Miss L is definitely ahead on the leader board for the 2011 prize.



          Even The Dog is exhausted after Miss L's visit!